I CAN MOONWALK!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
