The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
