I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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