what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
