Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
