yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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