there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize