My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
