You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
