your room smells of hookers.
And success
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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