Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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