I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize