Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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