Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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