if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
