I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
