it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
