i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
