in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
someone owes me an orgasm
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
