she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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