idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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