This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
