Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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