Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
