You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
