i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
