If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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