You're my little dorito
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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