yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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