Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
