I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
