What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
