now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize