Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize