Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
