I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
