I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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