so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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