So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
