planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
