She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
