All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
