dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I want to make a zoo with you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
