I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
