im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We are two peas in an std pod
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
