hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this will be a night to untag.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
