i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I need help removing her.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
