i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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