theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
