This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
