I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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