I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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