Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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