saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
