i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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