Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
