I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
