a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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