i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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