Got a toothbrush?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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