I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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