My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
