Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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