Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Boobs speak an international language.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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