My friends, they love my intelligence
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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