If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Someone stole a lamp last night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
