yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just blew my weed a kiss
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
