I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
