I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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