some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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