Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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