Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
