my sisters under your porch take her home
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
