U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
