All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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