I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
