she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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