Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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