After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
