Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
