you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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