Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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