i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
