sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
