he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
