I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't turn off my feet"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
