I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
