the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
