Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
