the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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